The concept is simple: quote, reflection, affirmation. I unsubscribed for awhile a couple of years ago when I had a particularly bad attitude and wanted to cling to my depression, but I came back. Many of the emails are repeats, and I've started to have my favorites. Sometimes it's the quote that packs a wallop, other times Brook's reflection strikes a chord, and still other times the quote and the reflection are okay but the affirmation is just what I needed to here. This is the one that came this morning, and it's one that always makes me sit up a little taller and open my eyes a little wider. And this time, I saw a dialectic in it very much like what I am practicing in dialectical behavior therapy.
Optimist, pessimist or poptimist?
(Brook Noel's article from April of 2008)
When I was in high school, I called myself Emily the Eternal Optimist. I don't recall why I gave myself that name, except that I always tried to be optimistic. The thing was, I wasn't really great at actually allowing my feelings, the "negative" ones, and then moving to optimism. In eighth grade health we had a unit about stress, and we took a test of our life stress. It has been many decades but I believe it was much like this one, only age-appropriate, ranking stressors based on how recently they had occurred. I remember going up to the teacher and asking if I had to include my parent's divorce, "because I have no stress about that" or my dad's fight with cancer (he wasn't out of the woods yet!) because I was "dealing with it really well." She said, yes, if it happened I needed to check it off. I guess the Perfectionist wanted to have the lowest score in the class, so I could win the prize for Least Stressed. The other kids thought I was weird because my whole family and I practiced Transcendental Meditation, so I needed to prove that I transcended stress entirely.
Fast forward a decade or two, and Emily the Eternal Optimist ends up with postpartum depression and anxiety, morphing into regular ol' clinical depression, generalized anxiety disorder, and an eating disorder-- which are all labels for excellent book learning, impaired emotional intelligence (in my case). But hey! getting with the program now. I was much like the friend that Brook Noel describes, jabbing myself repeatedly, hurting myself with my internal dialogue, over and over, like water torture. I still am, I guess, but I am learning a new language.
Self-talk is a special language. I don't know if I'm an optimist, a pessimist, or a 'poptomist,' but I am a linguist. I appreciate the opportunity to use language to explore parts of me that aren't made up with words. That's part of why I'm out here in the blogosphere, being vulnerable with friends and complete strangers; I need to practice the language of emotions
and positive self-talk. And to teach it. I taught French and Spanish for many years, words fascinate me, and I approach everything as if it were a language (even math). So I can't really learn this new language unless I have a way to share it with others who might need to learn it, too.
Thanks for the practice session. You are way better than flashcards.
Self-talk is a special language. I don't know if I'm an optimist, a pessimist, or a 'poptomist,' but I am a linguist. I appreciate the opportunity to use language to explore parts of me that aren't made up with words. That's part of why I'm out here in the blogosphere, being vulnerable with friends and complete strangers; I need to practice the language of emotions
and positive self-talk. And to teach it. I taught French and Spanish for many years, words fascinate me, and I approach everything as if it were a language (even math). So I can't really learn this new language unless I have a way to share it with others who might need to learn it, too. Thanks for the practice session. You are way better than flashcards.
Emily, what a fascinating look at mood and responsibility for it. Wonderful post!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Kebba. Even your brief comment gave my inner linguist something to ponder. I think you are using "responsibility" with a different shade of meaning than my first thought. I'm guess there's a lot more emphasis on the "response" part of the word.
ReplyDeleteI've learned from experience that what I say to myself is what I manifest in my life. Self talk - the most important talk of all!
ReplyDeleteThat is undoubtedly true-- and it's why I want to learn this language!
DeleteAh Emily,
ReplyDeleteYou understand the power of words, and how we use them to judge things around us, and ourselves! And that judgment creates our emotions.
I was just thinking about how the practice of meditation is observing without judging... maybe like an animal would see the world? I like your word linguist because it's just an observation, rather than a word that judges oneself like, optimist or pessimist.
I wish you joy on your journey!
Lianda
I like the idea of my inner linguist being curious, not judgmental. For some reason, I find it helpful to label these aspects of myself, but as you point out, the label doesn't have to carry judgment.
Delete"labels for excellent book learning, impaired emotional intelligence" - oh, that was a wake-up call! I confess myself guilty of frequently confusing the "thought about" with the "feeling of". I think I'm naturally an observer, it took me a long time to admit that I actually have feelings and to recognise them.
ReplyDeleteOh, yes! The pesky differentiation of thoughts and emotions! The Language of Emotion book I linked to about was HUGELY helpful in being able to recognize!
Delete