My April 1 post was about signing on to the Ultimate Blog Challenge and why I refused to consider it setting myself up for failure. I gutted my way through the first five days. The pros were:
- I was proving to myself that I could do it (building mastery is one of the skills I'm working on in DBT therapy)
- I was building momentum
- I appreciated having the support of a community instead of just blogging into space the way I had been
- The writing itself was therapeutic
- I was pleased to do something from my agenda on a daily basis (instead of everyone else's)
- I had yet another thing on my to-do list.
- I was staying up late to blog, getting behind on sleep.
- Some days I was blogging instead of other, more important things
- I was seeking approval (mostly from myself)
- I felt exposed and shrunk back from it
What happens when I blog for 5 days and then not at all for 3? What is that 3-day gap? A lapse? A failure? A crack?
|Art by Shari Elf http://www.sharielf.com/2010.html|
I need for it to be just a crack. So many obstacles pile on, so many mistakes are made one after the other, I start to feel broken. I know it's the Perfectionist and she doesn't necessarily deserve my attention, so it helps to take my brokenness and narrow it down to a crack. A crack that is there for the purpose of letting the light in.
This verse reminds me how much beauty I do find in imperfection. A little wabi sabi going on. I love collage, mosaic, patchwork, any kind of art made from beach glass, or driftwood, or old lawnmower parts, or recycled material, or random found objects. Taking something incomplete or useless and making it part of a whole. Repurposing it. Ringing the bells that still can ring. I am reminding myself now to apply my attraction to imperfection in art to my life. The imperfection of 5 days on, 3 days off, of a blog challenge can be something that appeals to me. I can look at those 3 days as just a crack, and write another post while the light gets in.